#	include <stddisclaimer2.h>

	GENOM presents
	A Miracle Discordian production of
	A St. Suika Roberts not-film

	Sailor Moon 1/6
	episode 2

	Same op as last time.  After the commercial we fade from black onto
the last scene of the prior episode.

	SM 1/6

	`Saotome Nodoka, dear.  Your mother.'  Ranma sways and the perspective
shifts.

	SM 1/6

	I stare at the woman, shocked.  I hadn't expected finding her to be
this easy.  `I had expected more of a quest, or at least a trip to the police.
Pleased to meet you.'

	She just looks at me appraisingly, her gaze flashing up and down my
body repeatedly, which is just beginning to make me nervous.  Then she smiles,
the stiff demeanor breaking as she relaxes.  She steps forward and pulls me
into a tight, hard embrace, although it doesn't have the sense of controlled
force that Hiibaachan's does.

	`It is good to see you again after so long,' she says softly, then
continues in a louder voice, `I admit that I hadn't expected the man amoung
men my husband promised to be so feminine.'  I look up at her.

	`Man amoung men?  That'd help explain why he's got so snarked so
easily.'  Nodoka, mother, I'm not sure how to think of her, smiles at my
phrasing.

	`You're very manly, I must admit.  Could you tell us of your
adventures, rather than just the highlights?  I've heard a number of stories
about you from your friends, but I'd like to hear some from you.'  I look
around at the group.

	`Any objections?'  No one admits to any; so I find myself a seat on
one of the tables, now eye to eye with most of the crowd.  I settle in to
begin the tales, some of them polished smooth with frequent telling, most
still rough because I really don't like telling them.  I trust anyone Ami-chan
would let into Manken, but some things I just don't like telling to anyone, no
matter how much I trust them.

	I start, as the last time I told my life story to a group, with my
earliest coherent recollections, Utchan, our fights, the mess that occured
when I finally figured out what Oyaji was up to.  It could have been worse; I
could have said `Okonomiyaki' instead of `Utchan,'  I could have been told
what an engagement was by Oyaji; a great number of things could have gone
differently, but I don't go into these.  I blew up at Oyaji for engaging me to
a boy, Utchan blew up at me for not noticing she was a girl, and the
engagement was called off.  We hung around until Utchan started to beat me as
often as not, and then Oyaji said we were leaving.

	It was a little bit after that, while we were living in Matsue, that
Oyaji decided that I needed to learn the Neko-ken.  It wasn't that bad the
first time, or the second.  After the third I read his little book of training
techniques, and threw him into the pit of cats.  I waited a little longer
after the fourth attempt, because he didn't recieve enough damage the first
time.  After the sixteenth attempt I woke up in Miyagi-san's lap, and she told
me I'd been acting like a cat when I came in.  We left town, and she became
the first person I corresponded regularly with.

	I tell of meeting Mako-chan and Ryouga-kun, who I tormented
mercilessly, playing stupid tricks on him, buying bread out from under him,
and othewise being my normal mischievous self.  The poor boy has the most
awful sense of direction, and I had to lead him about by the hand fairly
regularly in order to keep him in school.

	I told him when he challenged me that I could only wait three days,
and that I thought it would be a lot safer for me to just lead him to the
planned battleground.  Ryouga, being Ryouga, turned me down.

	Then I backtrack, telling of Manken, my school friends, and start in
on the awful things we did to Oyaji, who really did deserve them.  I tell of
the time we introduced him to the principal as `This Yakuza who was following
us about,' and how much fun that was.

	Nodoka frowns at that, but that is the best of the `hassling Oyaji'
stories, so I leave off the rest of them, and start the long-wind version of
my trip to China, beginning with a reminder about the planned fight with
Ryouga-kun and his missing it.

	SM 1/6

	We were aproaching Inchon, planning to avoid crossing the DMZ

	SM 1/6

	`Um, Ranma, you should tell everyone what that is.' Ami-chan
interupts.

	`The DMZ is the DeMilitarized Zone separating North and South Korea,
established at the end of the Korean ``Police Action'' to keep both sides away
from each other and prevent conflicts.  It's just chock-full of land mines,
patrols, and other nastiness, so we wanted to avoid it if possible.'

	SM 1/6

by swiming around it; compared to the swim to Pusan it would be really easy.
About three hours out of the town Ryouga came charging up, ticked as all get
out that he'd missed me.  I try to talk him into waiting, letting us feed him
and everyone get a good night's sleep before the battle, but he's his usual
self, and refuses.

	So I pounded him into the dirt and made him acknowledge his loss.  He
wandered along with us for a day or two, then we forgot to watch him and he
wandered off.

	SM 1/6

	`Have any of you seen him?  I'm hoping he's not still on the mainland;
I've few enough people who can keep up with me in a sparring session.'  No one
responds, other than a few shaken heads.

	SM 1/6

	We swam around the DMZ, found this Buddhist temple that taught a
Shaolin variant, and hung out with them for a couple weeks, but they got sick
of Oyaji before I learned all that much from them.

	A couple weeks later we found a real Shaolin temple, and I sent Oyaji
off searching for an imaginary training ground in the next provence.  I
managed to learn a lot by the time he came back telling me he'd found it about
a month later.  I learned a few things there, and then we wandered on.  I
spent most of my time looking for Shaolin groups, since I didn't want to get
involved with the Triads, and Oyaji had this book of training grounds he'd
drag me to.  About a month ago we got to Tsinghai and Jusenkyou, and I got
myself ``cursed.''

	SM 1/6

	`Some curse!'  Naru-chan chortles, and there is vigorous agreement
from most of the listeners.

	SM 1/6

	I almost killed Oyaji when I realized it wasn't permanent, but I
talked myself out of it.

	SM 1/6

	`How'd you manage that?  _I've_ been tempted on occasion.'  Ami-chan
interupts, bringing a smile to my face as I remember when she wouldn't have.

	SM 1/6

	It went something like `Well, if I kill him I'll need to bury the old
creep, and that panda form is big.  If I kill him I may find out that there
are actually deities assigned to punish kinslayers.  If I don't kill him I'll
get to hassle him for the rest of his life.  If I kill him I won't have to
feed him.'  That last almost did him in, you know.

	SM 1/6

	The whole group laughs.

	SM 1/6

	I started laughing too, and so he got to live because I had such a
good reason to kill him.

	SM 1/6

	Nodoka smiles at me, so my worry fades a little bit.

	SM 1/6

	Then we met the Nyuchezuu, which I just told you about.

	About two weeks after that I participated in a race to snag this bowl
of rice soup.  After I won and ate the prize I was told what it was; rice soup
prepared with dragon's beard hair, a powerful hair growth magic.  So, whenever
I'm male anymore, my hair grows like mad if I don't have the seal on.

	SM 1/6

	I flap the end of my tail, letting them see the glittering strand of
dragon's hair tied carefully around it.

	SM 1/6

	Um, can't think of anything else right off the top of my head.

	SM 1/6

	`Any questions?'  No one pokes up, so I hop off the table.

	`Any one want a demonstration of the curse?'  Everyone perks up at the
suggestion, so I nod at Ami-chan, who hurries off, returning in a few moments
with water.  I pour the hot over my head, readjust my clothing, and look out
over the crowd.  `Well?  What do you think?'

	Ami-chan speaks first, `You still pass.  I know born-women who don't
pass as well as you do.'

	I smile at her, her attraction to such people is something I sometimes
share, although not too often.  I fight the urge to tease her down, and pour
the cold.

	`Oh, and while I'm thinking of it, how'd the Komiket go?  And how's
the group held up in my absence?'

	Ami-chan gives a quick breakdown.  We'd more than covered printing
costs, and had a tidy profit for the club.  Lots of people had wanted to meet
me, and I wonder why.

	`Well, you are one of the rising stars of the fan-manga world, it
would appear.  You write stories that appeal to a remarkably broad market,
your art's good, and you were off on a martial arts training trip.  Of course
everyone wanted to buy your doujinshi, so you made a bundle.'

	`A bundle?'

	`About three thousand, all told, doujinshi sold at between six hundred
and four thousand yen each.  A bundle.'  I gulp; that is, indeed, a bundle.
With that kind of money I could almost afford a new bike, but my current one is
too cool for that.

	`Ranma?'  Akane.  I keep my face calm, smile at her, batter down the
panic suddenly flaring through me.  It is just one engagement; it doesn't have
to hurt her.

	`Hello, Akane.'  I wave her over.  `Akane, these are my friends from
manken,' and I introduce her about.  She reacts much as I would have, although
I don't think any of the others notice.  It is nice, I suppose, but I've
already got an iinazuke, and I don't need another.

	`So, what are we up to this afternoon?  Crown?'  The murmors point
that way for a moment, then Naru-chan speaks up.

	`My mom's running this insane sale; I'm not sure what's going on, but
everything's at least a third off.  I thought some of you might be interested.
We can always watch the great martial artist prove she's inept at something
another time.'  I smile up at Naru-chan, who is being kind.  I suck at video
games.

	After a bit of murmuring, we came to a decision, and set off for
Osa-P.  The trip quickly settles, although the bunchings are different.
Mako-chan, Naru-chan, and three other girls I don't know yet form one
subgroup, Ami-chan, Akane, Nodoka and I form another, and the rest seem a
fairly fluid grouping.

	Naru-chan was right about the sale, it is pretty intense, and I look
around with interest.  Some of the pieces are very nice, but I don't see
anything that I would wear.  After a while, though, I find something.  Not for
me, but Shanpoo wears hair ornaments, and this one would look very nice on
her; a multi-carat star saphire set with a spray of emeralds in a floral
motif.  With the discount it is only mildly ridiculous.  Maybe the sale will
still be running tomorrow.  After an hour or two, the meeting breaks, and we
all head for home.


	SM 1/6


	`Grr.  At least all I've left is math.'  I mutter, pulling out my
textbooks.  I plow through thirty algebra problems, then close the book,
resting my head against it for a moment.

	Getting up, I go over to my pack, and start to dig.  After a moment I
pull out a small box, check inside, and go in search of Akane.

	`Hey.'

	`What?'

	`You asked earlier to be my friend.  Amoung the amazons, it is
traditional to give a gift when that happens.  Here.'  I hand over the box.

	`Thank you,' she answers, opening the box.  Inside is a pair of stud
earings, little silver disks with a golden cresent moon and a small zircon or
diamond set on each.  She pulls them out, `They're beautiful.'

	`Try 'em on,' I urge, glad her ears are already pierced.  Oyaji threw
a fit, crying and screaming and carrying on, the last time I mentioned getting
mine done.

	She does, the earings amazingly just the right size for her lobes, not
ocluding the entire lobe, but not getting lost either.

	`They look great.'

	`Do you have a mirror?'

	`Nope, shoulda remembered to bring one, sorry.'

	`Don't worry, I was just going inside anyway.'  I look around at the
mass of shattered concrete block.

	`Who cleans up after you?'

	`Kasu . . . '  Akane trails off sharply.

	`I'll help.'  Akane nods her thanks, and we sweep up the mess, adding
it to the pile near the back gate.


	SM 1/6


	`Eris bless, what a day.' I flop backwards onto the floor and continue
to the ceiling, `Not that I'm complaining or anything.  I suppose I shall take
a nap.'  No one objects, so I procede to do just that.


	SM 1/6


	`Wake up!  I mean, really!'  I flap my hand carefully at the voice,
ignoring the soft shoving against my back.  `Up!.'

	`Why?'  I ask, my eyes still closed as I try to place the young female
voice.

	`I need to talk to you, and I think your friend Naru-chan is in
danger!'  I roll over to look.

	`You're the cat from this morning.'

	She blinks at me, `Of course I am.'

	`Wasn't expecting that.  What's this about Naru-chan being in danger?'

	`Take this,' She somehow performs a backflip, pulling what looks like
a broach from somewhere, `and say the words ``Moon Prism Power Make Up.'''

	I pick up the pale-colored thing, look at it, look at the cat, look at
the broach again, then whisper the words.

	The cat looks on expectantly.

	`OK, nothing,'  I look at my gloved hand, `that's cool.'  I start
looking for my mirror, wondering if it's been hidden again.  `What's this
about Naru-chan?' faintly I can hear someone calling for help, and,
concentrating, I can tell that it is Naru-chan, there's a monster after her,
and she's at her mom's shop.

	I wave at the cat before taking off out the window.  The costume is a
little strange, but I can feel the light constriction of extra armor, and I'm
able to run faster than before, somehow.  Arriving at the shop I spot myself
in the front window, and take a half second to look myself over.  Hair seems
blonde somehow, gathered into odango with really short tails swinging from
them.  The outfit is a very short-skirted sailor suit, as designed by an old
perv, perfect if one's trying to impress someone or distract a human opponent,
and not too horrible as a fighting costume.

	I take a deep breath and enter the shop.

	`Let the girl go!'

	`Who're you?' the person holding Naru-chan growls, scowling at me.

	`Um . . . ' I stammer, then the lines come to me suddenly, `Atashi,
atashi wa ai to seigi no seira huku bishoujo senshi, Seira Moon yo!' (I(fem),
I(fem) am a/the sailor-suited beautiful girl warrior of love and justice,
Sailor Moon (emphatic)!)  it lacks grace, but it does the job, and helps with
the disguise.  The silly posing also serves it's purpose, and pointy-tooth
drops Naru-chan to look at me.

	`Sailor Moon?  Never hearda ya.' Pointy-tooth strikes a pose, so I kick
her in the gut.

	`Gotta be faster'n that.'  I taunt, kicking her in the head as she
tries to get up.  She drops, and stays down.  `What'm I gonna do with you?'  I
look at the still form on the ground, then drop to one knee to feel for a
pulse.  After a couple seconds I find a pulse point; pointy-tooth has a really
slow, but strong, pulse, and I sit back to think.

	`Sailor Moon.'  I turn at the almost familiar voice.

	`Yes?'  I stare at the person in the tuxedo and mask behind me,
wondering where I'd seen him before.  Suddenly my attention locks on his
earings.

	`Might you need any assistance?'  I'm so distracted I almost don't
hear his words.

	`I think I have it covered, thanks.'  I blink, checking again, and
confirming the small notch on one of them, and the slight scratch across the
face of the other.  He nods, and wanders off.

	`I guess I'm gonna haul your ass off someplace quieter.' I tell
pointy-tooth, then pull her up into a fireman's carry and bounce out the door.

	On the corner I decide to find the cat, since she seems to have some
idea what's going on.

	About half way home I find the cat, who's a little winded.  `Hey,' she
starts, leaping three of her body-lengths into the air, `What was she after?' I
indicate the prisoner with my chin, since my hands are full.  She face-faults.

	`What happened?' the cat asks after recovering.

	`I arrived, introduced myself, kicked her twice, met a friend of mine
in a tuxedo, and came looking for you, since I don't know what to do with her.'

	`She's a youma.  Generally they just get killed in battle.'  I stare at
her.

	`You mean you expected me to kill her.'  I start off towards a nearby
park, staring at the ground.  `Is there anyplace safe we could keep her?'

	`I,' the cat looks at the ground, `don't know.'

	We walk on in silence for a while, then I find a semi-private spot and
set the prisoner down.  I roll her over onto her back, then straddle her,
holding her wrists in my right hand, not the best of positions if she decides
to fight, but far from the worst.

	I tap her on the cheek lightly with my left hand, and she wakes after a
few moments, blinking disorientedly.  `What were you after at the jewelry
store?' I ask bluntly.

	`What?'  Her eyes get really big and she tenses, then suddenly relaxes.
`Sailor Moon.'

	`Yep.  What were you after at the store?'  I try to growl, and don't do
too badly.

	`Energy for Queen Metallia.  You'll keep me safe, won't you.'
Pointy-tooth sounds very excited, almost giddy, which doesn't match her deep,
gravely voice well at all.

	`Who is Queen Metallia, and safe from who?'

	`The great leader.  She talks to Queen Beryl.  Jeidite.  He sent me
here, told us he'd kill us if we fail, told us the humans would kill us if they
knew what we looked like, told us they'd torture us worse than anything we'd
ever even dreamed of.  Lied to us, lied to me.' The glitter in pointy-tooth's
eyes, the worship in her voice, the utter trust in her face all make me wonder
if she'd ever had anyone be nice to her before.

	`How will he know if you fail?'

	`He was watching me.  Now he isn't.' the first is said like it should
be obvious, and the second in wonderment.

	I let go her wrists, and sit down in the grass, pulling her up into a
sitting position.  `Can't promise much in the way of keeping you safe, but I
will try.'  I look up at her, trying to come up with a tactful way of putting
it, `Can you change your appearance?  You're kinda scary-looking right now.'

	Pointy-tooth blinks, then closes her eyes.  Her skin smooths, her limbs
shortening, and when she opens her eyes she's a passible highschool girl.
`Better?'

	`Yeah.  We probably should get you an outfit that better matches your
apparent age, though.'  She looks like she's pretending to be an elementry
school teacher.

	`Anything you wish.'  Her face is so open.

	I close my eyes, thinking about being myself again, and open them to
see my short, randomly shaped but smooth edged finger nails.  `What are your
names?  I can't go on thinking of the two of you as Pointy-teeth and the cat.'

	`I am called Molga,' pointy-teeth just about gushes.

	`I'm Luna.'

	`Let's go home.  I've a letter to write.'

ED:
	Same as last week.

Jikai:
	Molga proves inhumanly adept at the martial arts, and Ranma attends an
appointment.

---
log:
Donno when: started
1999 May 21: log added
1999 May 30: preview added.
2002 Jul 27: tiny edit
2004 Jan 16: order-of-magnitude error fixed . . .
2010 Jul 10: tiny edits