VO(M): These first aired in early 3168, starting with this one, on the sixth of Chaos. (Cross-fade) ( A Caucasian woman in a skirted business suit, about 30 years old, walking down a non-descript but brightly sunlight city street. Three burly young men, two very tall and dark-skinned, one merely talk and caucasian, step around a corner One of the young men: Your money or your life, aunty. Woman: Aunty? That's a little much, boya. She sets down her case, folds her jacket quickly, and lays it over the top. She steps out of her heels, rips one seam of her short not-terribly-practial busines skirt. If one cares, one might notice that the seam had been hemmed, then basted back together. She stands, feet bare, not in any recognizable stance. The three young men charge as a group, which proves to their disadvantage. The woman kicks one in the head, decking him while throwing his unconsious form into the path of one of his companions and onto the other. She waits while the second youth regains his footing, then kicks him in the solar plexus, slamming him back against a wall. He sits, breathless. The third struggles to his feet, and approaches swinging. She punches him, first on the left side of his chest, then the right, then a backfist to the jaw, laying him out. The young man who was kicked in the solar plexus slaps the ground, still gasping. The woman tosses her jacket over her arm, picks up her briefcase and shoes, then walks off, whistling the theme from `The Andy Griffith Show.' A small caption reading `Paid for by the Dark Kingdom Anti-Defamation League' appears on the bottom of the screen. Fade to black. ) VO(M): The next appeared a week later, on the eleventh. (funky rotating fade) ( A young, asian-looking woman, dressed in shorts and a tee-shirt, with a baby in a carrier on her back, is walking down the same street. The same three young men step around the corner. YM: Your money or your life, wench! YW(giggling): Wench? She pulls off the baby's pack, unfolds its legs, and sets the child down where it can watch. She then settles into an obvious defensive stance, one bare foot in front of the other, shoulder width apart, knees slightly bent. The young men again advance at the same time, but keep more distance between each other. Choosing one apparently at random she grabs his wrist and delivers a powerful blow to his forearm with her other hand. He drops, his arm bending where she struck it. The other two try to circle her. A dull crunch sounds as she bends one's knee, which he had incautiously straightened, backwards. The last charges while she straightens, presumably thinking her distracted. Her backward kick neatly crushes his trachea. He drops, grabbing at his throat. She pulls out a cel-phone and punches three numbers. That done she kneels next to the gasping man. YW: Yeah, I was doing a little full contact sparring with some guys. She grabs his throat and squeezes. The youth gurgles in pain, but his throat has a more normal shape when she lets go, and he is breathing easier. I kinda broke them though. They're at the corner of Shakespeare and Burton, in Nairobi. Yeah, they should all be fine until medics can get here. Feel free to contact me if you've anything more you want to ask. Sure, thanks. She closes her phone, puts it back in her hip pocket, picks the baby up, who is smiling, settles the pack, and walks off. A small caption reading `Paid for by the Dark Kingdom Anti-Defamation League' appears on the bottom of the screen. Fade to black. ) VO(M): Chaos 16. (heat-ripple effect) ( Same street. Burly young caucasian man in a pith helmet and khaki. The same same three young men step around the same corner. YM: Your money or your life. Pith Helmet's red face goes pale, and he pulls out his wallet. PH: Here. One of the other young men, a bemused look on his face, takes it. He opens it, and flips through a number of high-denomination US notes. He closes it and hands it back. Shaking his head, he speaks, YM: Go away. Pith Helmet grips his wallet tight and runs back the way he came. The remaining three look at each other. A small caption reading `Paid for by the Dark Kingdom Anti-Defamation League' appears on the bottom of the screen. Fade to black. ) VO(M): Chaos 21. (the picture cracks, falling away to reveal) ( The same street. A _little_ old man, dressed in black, a black cloth tied about his head under his nose, a large sack on his back, walks up. The three step out. YM: Your money or your life, old man! OM: Nan tte? (subtitle: Whadya say?) YM: (Subtitle: Your money or your life, old man!) OM: (subtitle: Ain't got none.) YM: (Subtitle: Then how about your sack?) OM: (subtitle: NO!) One young man makes a grab for the bag. The old man blocks with his pipe, throwing the youth into a wall. the other two leap as one, one goes flying back, and the other gets in a good hit, knocking the old man back. All three rise at about the same time, and the young man still standing tries to kick the old man. He is thrown back into a wall, but one of his companions manages a tag. The fight drags on for four minutes. At the end only one of the young men is still standing, but the old man doesn't look much better. A final flurry of blows, almost too fast to see, ends the fight, the old man dropping to the ground, out for the count. The young man smiles, then goes to his knees, then onto his face. A small caption reading `Paid for by the Dark Kingdom Anti-Defamation League' appears on the bottom of the screen. Fade to black. ) VO(M): Chaos 26. (cross fade, the other direction) ( Same street. Same young woman and baby. The same three young men step round the corner. YM: Your money or your life! YW: Not today. The little one is going to the doctor. YM: Nothing serious? YW: Just a check up, and some shots. YM: That's good. Another day? YW: Sounds good. She walks off with a smile. A small caption reading `Paid for by the Dark Kingdom Anti-Defamation League' appears on the bottom of the screen. Fade to black. ) VO(M): Chaos 31. (simple cut) ( Same street. Saotome Ranma, male, is walking towards the corner. The three young men step around. YM: Your money or -- Saotome-sama! Could we have your autograph? SR: (Laughs) One of the young men pulls a shitajiki out of a backpack he retrieves from around the corner. YM: Please? SR(chuckling): I suppose. He signs. A small caption reading `Paid for by the Dark Kingdom Anti-Defamation League' appears on the bottom of the screen. Fade to black. ) VO(M): And the last one aired for the first time on 3161 Chaos 36. (quick fade to white, then to) ( Same street. Business woman from the first ad walking towards the corner. The three step out. YM: Your money or your life! BW: No "Aunty" this time? She sets her case, jacket, and shoes aside. One handed she tears open the basted seam of her skirt, and smiles. Even in slow motion the next minute and a half are nothing but a blur of pale and dark skin, occasionaly resolving into human forms. Suddenly it stops, all four on their feet, clothing disheveled, new bruises just beginning to color on the young men, the woman wiping blood from her split lip. BW: Good session. Next Week? YM: Sure! Aunty. She cuffs him, knocking him to the ground. He smiles, and everyone laughs. A small caption reading `Paid for by the Dark Kingdom Anti-Defamation League' appears on the bottom of the screen. Fade to black. ) VO(M): Coupled with King Serenity's other efforts to defuse the rash of rumor and half-truth surrounding both the Dark Kingdom and the African Purchase, this set of commercials helped to bring, for the first time, the Dark Kingdom's approval ratings above 50% in the western world. --- log: 2002/April: Paper draft. 2002/Jul/5: typed in.