-*- mode: text; fill-column: 79; -*- I walk along the bank of the Mississippi, picking up bottles, watching the moonlight on the river, wondering why I'm doing something that could so easily get me very hurt, when I notice a rather neat round jug, about the size of a bowling ball, on the rock of the enbankemnt, pick it up, start looking it over. I sit down in a spot where the light is pretty good, rub some more of the dirt off, admiring the sturdy ceramic that it is made of, and the deep blue glaze, notice the stopper. Before I stop to think if it is a good idea I have pulled it, and in a puff of smoke and darkness a large dark skinned being stands in front of me. By large I mean a bit more than three meters tall. ``How do you wish to die?'' ``Uh, what?'' oh great. i had to find a bottle with an efreet in it. ``I said, how do you wish to die?'' ``Um, why do I get that particular choice?'' if this is the standard tale I know the answer, but . . . ``For the first thousand years I spent in that bottle, I thought `I shall grant the person who lets me out three wishes.' No one let me out. For the next thousand years I thought `I don't like it in here, so if someone lets me out, I'll grant them two wishes,' and again, I stayed stuck in that bottle. After two thousand years, I decided to grant the person who let me out one wish, but another thousand years were spent in that bottle. After that I decided that I would just leave when I was released, but agian it didn't happen. That was five hundred years ago, how would you like to die?'' drat. bloody 'ell. i did know the answer. drat Drat Drat. hmmm. . . old age? >sudden thought of being hooked up to a huge bank of machines for 20 years< nope, not that. hmm, poison? no. liver cancer, breast cancer, lung cancer, nope, nope, nope. chichi. nope. Akane's cooking. hmm . . . slit wrists, nope, falling from orbit, might be fun until the friction gets to be too bad, my roommate kills me, neat idea, would serve him right, no, I'm not quite that evil. ``I've got a fate that's worse than death . . . '' ``And what might that be?'' He looks at me interestedly, then goes back to watching the moon on the river while she waits for my reply. I blink at zer, suddenly realizing that ze is wearing only a loincloth, and keeps swiching apparent gender, I'm not sure how, zer physical form doesn't change at all, just zer presence. hmm. . . oh! i was supposed to reply! ```To be Akane and Ranma's spouse.'' ``And who are they?'' ``Characters in a manga.'' ``May I scarf your cultural database too? I snagged the language so that I could demand of you your prefered death, but I will need more if I am to understand why this fate would be worse.'' I nod, most likely ze will just kill me anyway, so I may as well let her rummage through my mind. Or make that rummage though my mind some more, ze has apparently done it already, and is using my own rather warped version of English. She suddenly starts laughing uncontrollably, ```Death by chichi!' Oh goddess bless that is an awful joke. For that, you get your wish.'' Everything goes black, then suddenly it is day, sunlight shining off of the pond, the koi for once undisturbed by falling humans and pandas. ``Even if it is not a fate worse than death, or at least than death by chichi. I've set up your records here, and implanted the engagement in both Genma and Soun's minds. I'll bring your jounque by after I've introduced you. Akane! Ranma! Oide!'' I notice a few other changes, my hair color and texture amoung them. I toss the now almost knee length braid back over my shoulder, I think ze pulled the changes from my wishes, as I had wondered how truely green hair looks on a person. I guess I will find out soon. ``Nani?'' ``Nan da yo?'' They both come out quickly, stopping at the sight of me and the efreet. ``Kochira wa, kimitachi no atarashi iinazuke desu. Otanoshimide.'' With that and a puff of sandlewood scented smoke ze disappears. * this is your new fiancee. See you again (wrong one for the situtation, this `see you again' is actually used for things like `see you next time' at the end of a TV show) ``Nani!'' The two of them exclaim at once. I don't really blame them, but almost break out laughing anyway. Ranma's blue eyes flash over me, noting the black cape, green t-shirt, grey jeans as I reach up to poke my glasses, suddenly noticing that they are not there. Akane's eyes flash the opposite direction, from my battered pair of shoes to my face, her confusion evident. ``Iinazuke? Kimi?'' They are still speaking in unison. *What? *Fiancee? you? ``Shiranai wa. Ano kata, ehtou, bottle kara . . . . hun, how does one say . dashimashitta. Sore kara, atashi no shinukata o. . . fug, I hate it when I don't know how to say what I'm trying to say. . . ah! `nan no shinukata ga hoshii ka' tte. atashi wa, kimitachi no tsuma ni naru koto wa, shinu koto yori waruii desu tte. Soshite, koko ni iru yo.'' *I don't know (fem. colloq.). that person, um bottle from, um, dou de iu . let out. after that, my way of dieing . . hun, iitai koto no ga shiranai ga iya . . . ah! `how do you want to die' said. I being you two's wife is worse than death did say. So I am here. They look a bit upset at the way I phrased it, but I don't think I can put it much better, it being that I am no where near as good at Japanese as I would like to be. There is a sudden rush of wind behind me, and I turn to look, noticing that somehow the efreet had gathered all of my jounque, even the boxes that I had left in Albuquerque and what had been in the mail. My younger sib, her elder brother by declaration (she started calling him niichan, and he didn't tell her not to. Which means that he too is my younger sib ^_^ ), my mom, my friends Dawn, Del and Iva, and all of their stuff was totally unexpected, however. I hide my face behind my hands, and look between my fingers at them. Ranma and Akane make strangled noises behind me as my younger sibs look about them, almost lost in otaku heaven. Then Kasumi comes into view of my little brother (who is, of course, bigger than me ^_- ), who blinks. Twice. ``Pikupiku,'' is my sister's comment on the situation. ``You have been mucking too much.'' By this time the efreet has made a quiet getaway, and is no longer about to be yelled at. Eris bless. ``And why do you say that?'' She grins at me, obvoiusly knowing why, so I don't bother to answer. I turn back to Ranma and Akane, ``Anou, shitsurei desu ga . . .'' * Um, it's rude, but . . . Ranma turns to the house, yelling ``Oi! Oyaji! kotchi ni kure!'' in Hayashibara Megumi's voice, Akane following him inside. * Hey! Old man, come here! ``Suika?'' Paul, Del, and Iva finally ask. ``Warren?'' Dawn and Lisa (my mom). ``Hai. Welcome to the Tendou dojo, sorry for the mess, let's hope that we don't have to find somewhere else to stay right away, as I hear Tokyo has really high housing costs.'' I suddenly notice a few other changes as well, Lisa isn't wearing a sling, so I guess she had her collarbone healed, I'd heard through my younger sib that she'd broken it in a bike wreck after I'd left for school. The lot of them don't have their glasses, with Zou-chan it was expected, but the the other five range from mildly to extremely blind without them. Paul's hair is a pale lavender, Lisa's has turned a deep blue, the other four still have the same color of hair as they used to, my joints don't hurt anymore, and Iva is a bit taller than before. I must say that all of that almost makes up for the trouble that is sure to follow from our arrival here, or maybe it only sets us up to be able to withstand the trouble that is coming our way. ``Yaaaa!'' There is a splash from the pond as a man in a white gi flies past, in the water. Unexpectedly, he stays human, and pops up out of the water sputtering. ``Oyaji! Doushte. . .'' Ranma trails off as she sees that he's still human. She vanishes inside the house, we can hear water running, and she reappears. Female, but, unexepectedly, not too upset. ``Sa, '' Ranma's speach quickly goes past my ability to transcribe, but I can understand enough to piece things together. ``What're they saying?'' Lisa's voice. ``Ranma's yelling at Genma about being stuck as a girl, and Genma's going on about how Ranma shouldn't worry, Akane's lesbian, the new iinazuke is a girl, words I don't know, Nodoka, pandas, more words I don't know.'' My younger sib is giving me a dirty look, ``If you can do a better job. . .'' ``No, but your translation skills are pretty pitiful.'' Ranma is pounding on her father, Akane is watching, Nodoka walks up and asks Akane what is happening. ``Look, do you really need a translation?'' Nodoka is giggling, and Akane is just looking upset at Genma. Ranma pounds Genma a bit more, then stomps over to me. ``Sumimasen, shitsurei datta. Ore wa Saotome Ranma, kochira wa Tendou Akane, soshite, achira wa Saotome Genma,'' he points to the sodden lump on the grass next to the pond, ``to Saotome Nodoka, ore no ryoshin.'' *Sorry, I was rude. I(masculine) am Saotome Ranma, this is Tendou Akane, and over there are Saotome Genma and Saotome Nodoka, my parents. ``Hai. Ano, atashi wa, Nihongo de, mada jouzu dewa nai yo. Etou. . . Ah, atashtachi wa, dokomo sundeimasu, ima. Sore kara, koko de kyampu shite wa ii desu ka?'' Kasumi walks back by as I start speaking, answers. *yes. um I am not yet good at Japanese. um . . . ah, we, now, don't have anywhere to live. Because of that, is it OK if we camp here? ``Nan nin desu ka? Shichinin desu ne? Suika-chan ga Ranma to Akane no heya de sumu koto wa ii de, hun, mou hutatsu no heya . . .'' * How many people? Seven, isn't it? It's OK to put Suika in Ranma and Akane's room, hmm, two more rooms . . . '' ``Nan desu tte?'' Both Akane and Ranma speak at once as Kasumi's words sink in. ``Suika ga, imoutotachi no iinazuke desu kara imoutotachi to ishouni iru koto wa iin desu yo. Dakara, rokunin mo imasu. Hun. Sou yo! Saotome-san no ie ga ooki desu ne.'' Nodoka starts to look thoughtful at that, ``Saotome-san, kono kata ga, Saotome-san no uchi de sumu wa dou?'' *Suika is my little sisters' fiancee, so it would be good for her to be with them (explanatory particle) But we have another six people. hmm. I know!. Saotome-san's house is big. Saotome-san, could these people live at your house? ``Ii desu kedo, hidokute ooi nibutsu ga arimasu yo.'' I would think. I finally spot Dawn's reptile tanks, and go to check on Sam, who had been living with her for a while. I find the cage he is in, pull him out. He thoughfully doesn't try to bite me, so I wrap him about my neck. Within momemts he is twined in my hair, the red, cream, and black of the cornsnake's scales contrasting with the holly green of my hair. I look at Maggie for a moment, admiring the sheen on the brown scales of her face as the large red-tailed boa acts utterly boring, like snakes most often do, then tune the conversation back in. *It's OK, but they have a horrible lot of luggage. They seem to have decided that Lisa, Dawn, Del, and Iva will be moving in with Genma and Nodoka, while me, Zou-chan, and Paul will be staying at the Dojo. I have a sudden thought, pull out my wallet, fish out my IDs. The Tulane ID is very different, no picture, no dates, just a bar code on the back. NM state ID, if that's a standard DMV photo I must be drop dead beautiful, issued 032888, DOB 010770, Sex F, everything else pretty much as I remember it. NIT student ID. That is a bit of a surprise. ``Nekomi kyoudai wa doko?'' I interject quickly, before they get everything too settled. Paul comes to look over my shoulder, Anne (Zou-chan's RL alias) is quickly waved over as I show it to him. After a lot of talk I finally get some idea of where it is, and another pertinent question pops into my mind. ``Nan nen, nan getsu, nan nichi desu ka?'' Kasumi's face clouds for an instant, then she replies. *what year, month and day is it? ``1990, hachigatsu juuninichi desu.'' Ranma and Akane look at me a bit funny, then their faces clear. Ranma notices Sam's face as he slides it down my cheek, comes up to investigate. *1990/8/12 ``Nani kore?'' She hesatantly sticks out a hand towards my face, and the snake. ``Kochira Sam to moushimasu. Kare wa `Corn Snake' to iu hebi desu. Suwate wa ii desu, He won't bite, or not too hard.'' I say the last bit in English, since I can't remember if I know the Japanese word for bite. I take her hand and lightly stroke her fingers along his back scales, letting her feel their smoothness. *This (person) is called Sam. he is what is called a corn snake. It's OK to touch him. ``Ano...'' I recognise the look in her eyes, that of a young person who has just had her first truly positive encounter with a snake. I untangle Sam from my hair, wrap him lightly about her neck as she strokes his back, her face lighting up like it does in the anime whenever Akane is nice to her. Speaking of whom, she comes over too, and I sit down on one of the sturdier boxes, motioning her down next to me. Ranma sits between us, quickly says something to the effect of `Feel. Isn't he just so cool?' Akane tentatively reaches out, strokes Sam's scales, smiles at something, strokes Ranma's cheek, then goes back to petting Sam. Sam doesn't mind all the attention, but from the way he's being so active he's hungry. There is a sudden shouting from the front, (Warren, come look at this!) as Lisa notices that both of her cars are there, as well as Paul's motorcycle, and Dawn's Bug that had died several years back. Both of Lisa's cars have had major repairs done. I go to take a look, the Toyota apparently had the full engine rebuild that it was needing, and the crunched side on the new car, a gold VW that we aquired cheap because it had suffered a wreck which smashed both passenger side doors and blew the power locks, had been pulled out and the doors fixed. It still looked pretty bad, but all of the silly powered accessories had been pulled, and all of the doors opened and closed. The front passenger side window had been replaced, too. ``Hey, Paul! It's August 1990. We're in Tokyo. What else is in Tokyo, and what is probably on TV once a week still?'' He looks at me for a moment, the suddenly places the reference. ``Nadia. Gainax. Nadia cels.'' ``No playing cel thief. No arguements. If we ask really nicely, maybe they will give us one or two.'' ``I wouldn't take any that hadn't been shot yet!'' My sister pipes in, flaunting her otakudom. Not that I really mind. It's far better than when she was in denial about it. ``That isn't the point and you know it. Hmm, the Japanese school year starts in April. Jean, check your ID, I think you may be starting then too. Think we could get jobs painting cels?'' Paul looks quite interested in that possibility, quickly pulling his ID out of his pocket. I take off my cape as it is getting to be a bit too warm, fold it over my arm, ``Ne, Zou-chan, Jean wa, Clef ni mitai ne.'' *Jean is pronouced almost like John. (If you've seen Nadia, you know the proper pronounciation) *hey Zou-chan, Jean looks like Clef, doesn't he ``He does, doesn't he.'' ``Found it. NIT as well.'' He looks fairly happy about that. He looks at his drivers license, continues ``The dates are wrong, and it's been upgraded to International. Guess that fits. And what are you talking about?'' ``Your hair is purple.'' He looks in the side mirror on the Toyota, blinks audibly, runs his fingers through his formerly brown hair. ``So it is. Oh my.'' Proof he's been watching the Ranma dubs too much. Or Ranma 1/3. Which is quite evil, by the by, and you should watch it and confirm this for yourselves. I take the opportunity to take a peek at my face in the mirror. My ID picture was above average, and I notice that my eyes ended up a really funny color, a bright blue with a black ring about the iris. I head back into the yard, leaving Lisa, Dawn, Paul, Genma, and Nodoka outside the wall attempting to figure out what to do about the huge pile of boxes in the yard. Ranma and Akane are still holding Sam, but have switched to stroking each other. In my section of the pile I spot something I had thought quite lost, carefully pull the black bag out of the pile, and unzip it. There is a green GENOM letterhead post-it note on the top of the computer inside, over the Epsilon Nine sticker. Or at least it used to be a sticker, it appears to have been redone in paint. I pull Miyuki out of her case, read the note, `I made a few changes, hope you don't mind'. I'd noticed the first one even before I read the note, the case had been rebuilt in some greyish metal, a magnesium alloy if I was guessing right. The dual slide latches on the lid had been replaced with a single one centered in the lid. I slide it over, open the case, note that the keyboard had been shoved back, so it now looked a lot like the one on a Tadpole, with three mouse buttons under the space bar and a button-pointer, strenghthening my belief that the case was now a magniesium alloy. The display is now as big as it can get withought increasing the footprint, the power switch has been moved somewhere else, and the floppy drive now opens to the right side instead of the front. I look for the power switch, note that the external floppy port is now something else, yep, the label confirms that it's an external SCSI port, and there is a PS/2 port as well. There is also an RJ45 jack, and under a panel that had been the battery door cover is the power switch. I press it, close the door, enter the password at the expected prompt, watch it boot. It flashes something like 524288 KB OK before promting for the password. I watch the familiar debugging messages of a booting Linux system, mutter, `A few changes?' proceed to giggle at that understatement. A few moments later I get an xdm screen, enter my most recent loginname and password. It flashes a quick `read the README file', then pops up a couple of xterms and fvwm. The now color display is really impressive, and it has a not too ugly 6x9 font, too. I shut the lid, look up at Ranma and Akane, note that Sam has just about decided to go hunting elsewhere, so I set Miyuki down, walk over and catch him before he leaves. He'd made it almost to the ground, so I had to grab him by his tail. He's too lazy to bite me, something that I'm rather glad of, and wraps himself firmly about my arm. I suddenly realize that the way I'd grabbed him might not have been the best, for instead of bending my knees and dropping down to grab him I'd bent over at the waist, snagged the snake, and am now losing my balance and falling into the other two. They grab me, I curl to keep from squashing poor Sam who had done nothing really wrong, and really hope that they don't smash me for interrupting. They don't, instead just picking me up and setting me on my feet again. ``Gomen nasai.'' Three voices in unison, as I suddenly realize exactly where Akane's other hand had just jerked back from. I blush almost as brightly as she does. Ranma is too busy looking at Sam to notice, and probably was apologizing about nearly letting Sam escape. I blush as well, for I'd really liked the feeling for the few instants that I had noticed. Internal scrollback buffers are nice, even if I tend to let them overflow. At least I didn't have to try and do any interpretation on it until after I'd moved it to permanent storage. I notice Akane watching me blush, blush harder as a result. I'm suddenly sure that I'm red to a good bit past my collar, start to whirl and run when she grabs me. Ranma suddenly clues in, noting our blushes and the way Akane has her hand stuffed under one thigh. She slides one hand up my shirt, up my back, watching my face the whole time as I lean into the caress. I suddenly feel a warm set of lips on my face, and a hand on my belly, moan lightly at the feelings. The hand on my belly slips up to the patch of skin just under my ribs, making me shiver and open my eyes. Akane's face is cute, even at 3 cm away. ``Ano, hayasugimasu yo.'' Akane's hand pulls out of my shirt, as does Ranma's a moment later. *um, too fast ``Sou ne.'' I sink to my knees in front of the box they are sitting on, pretty much between them, put my left hand on Akane's knee as she continues. ``Yukuri ni shimasu yo, Suika-chan.'' She picks up my hand, brings it to her lips, says admiring things that I can't quite catch about my rings, and I think bracelets as well. I don't pull my hand away as she continues to hold it, and I start to zone out looking into her eyes. Ranma's rather blue aura suddenly clued me in that we were ignoring her, and I put my snake-covered right hand on her closer knee, stroking the firm muscles just above her left kneecap. *That's right, isn't it. *(we) will go slowly, Suika ``Suika-chan, come help move boxes!'' My parent being helpful as she all to often is. Oh well, if I don't get moving she'll be upset with me. Yada yo! I disentangle the fingers of my left hand from Akane's, stand, set out to find someplace to put Sam. I suddenly wonder where I left my cape, notice it next to Miyuki, wrap Sam about my neck before I tuck my shirt in as I walk over to where Lisa is waiting. I stuff Sam down my shirt, ask, ``Which? Where to?'' ``Um. . .'' I hate it when she does that. At least it doesn't happen terribly often that she doesn't know what she wants done before she demands helpers to do it. Most often she just gives orders that she feels are perfectly clear and defining, but the rest of us feel lack definition and/or clarity. This is one of those times. ``Get the stuff we'll need for the next couple days, we'll load the Toyota and start moving.'' OK, that is a decent problem specification. Of course, she's the one who would have the best chance of determining what she needs . . . ``You sort boxes, Anne can supervise loading, I guess that leaves the rest of us porting.'' I start back inside, noticing suddenly that both Akane and Ranma were behind me, mainly by catching them blushing as I turn. I didn't think my figure was that good. Or that they would even let themselves think thoughts such that they would blush from them. Of course, they've been out of character since I got here, if not before. Oh well. I wish I knew more Japanese, had done more of my homework for Japanese class, etc. It would make getting explanations much easier. I follow Lisa inside, my iinazuke flanking me. ``Tetsudaimasen ka?'' I ask them, pointing at the first thing Lisa wants moved, a large box that used to sit in the living room, and once upon a time was twice as long as it is now. Within moments they are probably regretting it, but they don't complain. It's really nice not to have to cart everything by myself, or slow things up by making the designated shovel-leaner help carry boxes. *won't you help? With four martial artists, five young anime otaku, and the other four to move boxes we soon have the Toyota loaded, and send Nodoka and Lisa off with the load while we sit about and rest. ``Ano, doushite . . .'' I indicate Akane and Ranma's clasped hands, ``Itsumo kenka suru to omotte imashitta wa.'' *um, why . . . I thought (you) always fought ``Saa, ichi getsu mae ni Ranma o'' my parser can't keep up, and the buffer overflows, leaving only enought to catch that she splashed Ranma with water, and Ranma changed. * *sigh* a month ago Ranma ``Sono ato Akane o kiss shimashita. Akane ga, yume miteru to omoimashita kara, ore no shatsu ni te hairimashitta. Yoi kanji datta kara'' and once again my parse buffer overflows, leaving me to try and put things together from the pieces. It seems that after Akane put her hand up Ranma's shirt Ranma went rather catatonic, so Akane didn't realize she wasn't dreaming. *after that (I) kissed Akane. Akane thought she was dreaming and put her hand into my shirt. because it felt nice ``Hazukashi datta wa yo! Atashi wa, ryouhou no te ga Ranma no huku ni hairichatta. Ranma ga `uuun' ya dake to iiteru deshita ga'' Ranma is a bit red by this time, and the parser again goes on the fritz for a while, but this time I can't get any meaning out. Something about talking to her father and Ranma's. ``Onna dake ga suki no desu to iita'' more words that I really wish I knew. It would make my life so much easier. Oh well. At least I can infer the meaning meaning of the whole from the bits that I catch. Akane splashed Ranma, Ranma kissed her, Akane decided that she was dreaming and went with it, Ranma went into shock and didn't fight back. Then the others clued in to what was going on and asked about it, for once not disolving into premature celebration. By the time Akane realized it wasn't a dream there had been a good dozen pictures taken and she'd come out to her family about a few things. *it was embarassing! I had both hands in Ranma's clothes. Ranma was just saying things like `uun' but *(I) said (I) only like girls ``Ore wa, ikagetsu ni, ichi nichi zutsu gojuupun dake otoko no hito ni ita.'' That would explain why she wasn't too upset when she didn't change back. *I was a male person for only 50 minutes a day for the last month I moan at the sudden touch of Akane's strong hands on my back, her fingers working at the tense muscles. Kyaa, but that feels good. ``Ano, Kunou-san wa, sono shashin wa, che,'' I look about, spot a box that looks like it should have my dictionaries in it, notice the way everyone, or at least Paul, Zou, Iva, Del, and Dawn are looking at me rather big-eyed. I guess that they think I'm OOC. ``Sono shashin no koto ni wa dou shimashitta?'' Not that I'm sure that they aren't right. Gods, but that feels nice. *Um, as for Kunou, those pictures, arg, *About those pictures did what? ``Kunou ga ano shashin o mittara `yurusanai' tte. Atashitachi wa,'' Convinced him to accept it. I'm glad that I know at least enough Japanese to figure that much out. *When Kunou saw those pictures he said it was unforgivable. We(fem.) I note that Sam is trying to get away again, decide to put him someplace safer. I untuck my shirt, pull him out. ``Atashi wa, Sam o anzen na toko ni hairitai kara . . . '' I trail off, hoping that Akane will understand. She pulls her hands back, wraps them about my hips, lifts me to my feet with more ease than I pick up my bike. I start looking through the boxes for a pillow case, dig out my dictionaries, find a pillow case which I put Sam carefully into, knot the top, and then decide that isn't a terribly safe place for him at the moment, take him out and put him back in the tank I got him from. About half way to the tank Zou-chan asks, ``What did you get out of them?'' ``As near as I can parse it, about a month ago Akane splashed Ranma, Ranma kissed her, Akane decided she was dreaming, Ranma decided she was dreaming, and they were making out on the floor when they realized they weren't dreaming, and by that time it was a bit too late for them to block the truth from themselves anymore. They've apparently been getting along pretty well since, and Ranma's been spending most of her time as a girl. Oh , I forgot to introduce the lot of you.'' I carefully open the top of the tank, set Sam inside, close it before he gets out. ``Don't worry, Paul and I did the introductions. Paul reminded me to use `kochira' and other than that it was pretty easy.'' And to think that as of the beginning of summer she wouldn't even consider taking Japanese ^_^ ``So, how have you been, haven't talked to you in a monkey age, kyaa, this is bad, I've got almost as many things to do at once as I did at school.'' I look at the others, who seem to be almost as badly lost as I am. Anne is taking it very well, Paul is just about in heaven being so near Kasumi, although he's making some effort to keep it from being too obvious. Dawn looks utterly confuzzled. I don't really blame her, getting snagged from whatever she was doing and getting dropped somewhere where just about nobody speaks a language she can understand. If I remember the way she told it correctly, `The only words of Japanese I know are `baka' and `hentai''. She'd been grumphing about something to do with anime at the time, can't remember what. Del and Iva are in a little better shape, one having had a partial semester of Japanese, and the other having forgotten two years of it. I hope Iva was exagerating about having forgotten everything. I snag Miyuki, sit down on the edge of the house on Ranma's left. Zou replies as I open the computer back up, suddenly remembering that I had left her on. ``Well, I am doing OK in school, I've met this neat Japanese anime-otaku qute named Yumi, Oh , she's going to be worried about us.'' Her face matches the vocabulary she chose quite well, utterly appalled. Miyuki is still running, despite having been on for over two hours without being plugged in. I hit the Ctrl key to turn the screen back on, type `less RE' and watch the file scroll into view. OK, you're reading this. Good. As if I wouldn't, especially when the readme file is about the only thing that has a decent chance of explaining this mess. Ranma's arm about my shoulder feels really nice. First: I fixed you lot up so that you wouldn't have too many problems, and I'll go into greater detail on that later. You all will be attending Japanese classes for the next couple of weeks, and that should get you to the point where you can cope. At eight hours a day, six days a week, it should. I should hope. Dawn will need it, and the rest of us as well. Second: Computers. I took the liberty of upgrading your couple, and your mother's. 90586 processors (Genom-built, basicly MMX 64-bit x86s with a flat memory address space and some more general purpose registers), Linux (I sent the patches to go from what is current in this universe to the current version in your old universe to Linus), and did some other upgrades. Instead of batteries or power cords, they all have internal 12/5 volt fusion power cells, with an expected lifetime of about 300,000 years of operation. Read the root README files for more. Oh dear. I really have this bad feeling that the efreet snagged too much of me when she scarfed my cultural database. A cultural database . . . che, that would be basicly a person, without their operating algorithms. Poor thing. Third: Vehicles. I picked up all four of your bikes, took the liberty of rebuilding them and replacing the wheel sets. Your younger sister's I just replaced, as she has invested a great deal of negative energy in it. I fixed her up with a bike that fits. Iva I got the blue-painted Merlin. The other vehicles are mostly unchanged, and out front. I look about for a moment, spot the bicycles. My Centurion is much the same, and has what looks like a Spinergy wheelset on it. The fixed gear seems to have been shrunk, which is probably a good thing, as it was too big anyway. My long-lost Nishiki is also there, still posessed of that awful orange bar tape. Lisa's bike looks much the same, other than the slightly increased slant to the top tube. I guess that the greenish one is Anne's. The composite wheelsets are really nice looking. Ranma rests her head on my shoulder, attempting to read the file on the screen for a moment. ``Che, sono chiisai romaji dou yomu no?'' *Geez, how do (you) read such small roman letters? ``Renshuu, renshuu.'' *practice, practice ``Hen na yatsu'' She pronounces it such that the final u is silent, using a light, warm, fairly tender tone. *strange guy/fellow (gen. derog.) ``Sou yo.'' *Thats right. Fourth: Yes, I messed with your Fiancees a bit. didn't hurt them or do anything to them that they didn't want. Oh dear. I hope that means what I think that means, and ze just messed with their thinking for a moment or two until Akane had her hands down Ranma's shirt, and then let things go on their own. That would be the best way that comment could be read. Ouch. um, efreets are trickster-spirits, y/n? yeah, what has that got to do . . . oh, it could be just red herring. get us in trouble, make pretty mess. we yoda like talking are. so, we not like yoda talk do have. you're just doing that on purpose. of course. isn't it a bit silly to hold conversations with myself like this, Suika-chan? yes. Fifth: History. This world is a lot like your own, only a few demi-major differences. The ERA passed in the States, Reagan died when he got shot, the Brady bill passed in early '84, Bush didn't get a second term. Negotiations are currently underway about a mergance of Japanese and US currency, to compete with the single-currency EC. It goes on for quite a while, leaving just about all of the Xrefs to be filled in by hand. I still don't see what the price of used tires has to do with the election of Frank Zappa in '88. At the very end there is a note `have your fiancees read the README.jpns' I try something that I am nigh sure wouldn't work, .j, which, of course, leaves `less README.jpns' on the command line. To my delight the final of the key sequence pulls up the file as Japanese characters instead of funny control sequences, so I pull Ranma's attention from what she was doing, ask, ``Kore o yonde kudasai.'' She starts to read it, and for her sake I hope the efreet did a much better job with the Japanese version than the English. She continues to stroke my left shoulder as she reads over my right. I don't mind too much, but yesterday, or even earlier today, staying in one position for that long would have made my limbs go to sleep by squashing my veins. *read this please Ranma pokes me. ``Tsugi to iitta yo.'' I hit the space bar, note the first time she had said it, about a second and a half earlier. She giggles. My, but that sounds strange. Amano Ai I could hear giggling. Ranma. . . *(I) said next Zou-chan decides that she's had enough of me ignoring her, and that she can't read read the Japanese language readme file, either, and sets off to find Paul again. Or at least that's what I think she's gone off to do. I half see her walk by the other way, ``Tsugi'' Ranma pokes me as she says this, and I hit the space bar. *next ``Akane-san! Koko ni kite kudasai!'' My sister yelling from somewhere. There is a faint splash, an inarticulate yell of rage, and the sound of much pounding. I attempt to get up to investigate. *Akane, come here please. ``Dame yo. Kiken sugiru yo.'' Ranma overpowers me, keeps me sitting despite my being a bit bigger than her. *no good! (it's) too dangerous! ``Ano, koko ni matteru ga kiken yo!'' There is a wet shattering sound from behind me, followed by things like `kono hentai! kono!' *krunch*, `kono', *crack*, `kono!' *a deep hoarse scream of great pain*. *um, waiting here (is) dangerous (forgot the koto, which makes matteru (which is short for matte iru (be waiting)) a noun) *you pervert! you!(actually `this', `this box' is `kono hako', but when used on a person it is very rough/insulting) you! you! I close Miyuki's lid, set her aside, attempt to rise again, pause to take off my shoes before running through the house towards the sounds of mayhem after Ranma. Ryouga looks bad. Very bad. He is so badly damaged that I almost don't notice that he's still naked, simply because there is so much blood splattered every where. Ranma has Akane held firmly, and Akane is crying. where's my younger sib? oh dear. I take a quick look about the room, find her in a corner looking scared. I'd be looking scared if I'd just seen what I fear just happened. ``Anne, you OK? What happened?'' ``I showed Akane Ryouga's curse. She started to beat on him. I don't think she even heard me tell her to stop.'' She shakes her head, her eyes glittering. ``Has anyone called an ambulance? I fear he's going to need one.'' ``Paul looked in when he heard the beating start, I think he did. Kasumi looked in, then turned all green. I don't know how she's doing.'' Dawn finally shows up to investigate, almost stepping on the two bodies in the doorway, who I recognize as Genma and Soun now that I finally look at them. It would appear they fainted at the sight of all the blood on Akane. I decide to leave the mess to her. ``Anne, could you fill her in, please?'' She nods, starts over to Dawn, who has started first aid on Ryouga, and I turn towards my iinazuketachi. Akane is sobbing into Ranma's shoulder, the deeper red of Ryouga's blood staining her red shirt. I sit on the floor next to them, feeling awkward, wanting to hug them both, slightly afraid that I'd end up in extreme pain if I do so, and more worried that they wouldn't want me to. Ranma pulls me in, then Akane grabs me tightly, blood staining one of my favorite ugly yellow shirts. of course their my favorites because I didn't pay anything for them, and they're so ugly I don't care how much damage I do to them. I stroke Akane's back lightly, holding them tightly as Ranma rocks all three of us, murmering calming words to Akane. The noises of the arriving emergency vehicles shake us back towards reality, Ryouga has been bandaged a bit, and had a blanket thrown over him. He didn't appear to be bleeding too badly anymore, which is good. oh dear. cops. Akane did this, with her own hands. pretty impresive. >half formed worshipful thoughts along the lines of `she's soo cool'< true, but being powerful doesn't only spring from being able to reduce someone to a bloody pulp on the hall floor. doesn't hurt, does it? maybe not. The EMTs sweep in, gather Ryouga up, sticking needles in his arm to add fluids. he needs them replaced, for there is quite a lot of his blood all over everything. my but Akane did a number on him. Akane has just about stopped crying, holding both of us tightly, her face pressed to Ranma's shoulder. Dawn follows them out, a pair of police coming in to check on things. They wake Genma and Soun, Zou-chan comes back from the kitchen with Kasumi and Paul, and Kasumi starts to explain things, I think, I'm not really paying attention to them. After a bit Soun and Genma take over talking to the police, and Kasumi, Paul, and Zou-chan leave, apparently to the kitchen to finish dinner. Nodoka and Lisa get back about the time the police get done talking with Genma and Soun, and spend a while asking the police what is going on. It takes a little while because Nodoka has to pause every once in a while and translate it into English for Lisa, but not nearly as long, or as scrambled as it would be if I was translating. The police leave, and as soon as they are gone Nodoka rails on Genma, and I realize that I hadn't seen Nabiki. ``Um, Suika? What happened?'' Lisa asks, and I'm glad that Nodoka doesn't have much of an accent when she speaks English, for my mother picks up accents like other people pick up colds, far too often and unconsiously. ``Anne showed Akane Ryouga's curse. Akane over-reacted, and Ryouga's in the hospital. Dawn went with him . . . Oh dear, I don't think she knows the phone number here, or the address. And I don't know which hospital they got taken too, or the parking regulations.'' I hug Akane and Ranma a little bit tighter for an instant, glad the police hadn't bothered to talk to us. Lisa is looking around in a sort of horrified fascination, the blood had splattered quite well, there are even a few drops on the ceiling. I follow her gaze up, noticing the spatters, half-cringe. shig, I'm quite taken with someone who either has very little knowledge of her own strenght, which isn't too likely, seeing as she is a martial artist, or she is _*horribly*_ violent. I admit, Ryouga pushed things. pushed them a lot. but . . . I don't think he pushed far enough that he deserved what he got. rather looks like Akane doesn't think he deserves what he got either. which helps me justify sitting here holding her after she did that . . . ``We'd better get the blood off of you.'' I nod shakily, start trying to turn that into proper words. She turns to Nodoka, ``Nodoka? Can we clean up the blood?'' Nodoka asks Genma, who nods. ``Ano, araimashou ka? Chi ga . . .'' I fade off, hoping to get the idea across without showing off just how little I actually know. *Um, shall we wash? (The) Blood . . . ``Un. Akane-chan, tate kure.'' I get to my feet with the other two, Akane supported between me and Ranma, and we walk to the kitchen as I notice that Akane is taller than me. Ranma steers us through the door somehow, borrows a couple of wet dishcloths from Kasumi. Zou and Paul get quite big-eyed at all the blood, both on Akane and what had been smeered on the other two of us. Kasumi carefully doesn't look in our direction as we start to wash the by now somewhat dry and quite sticky blood off of Akane. Her outfit is a total loss, most likely, the pale pink fabric will never be the same, what with having all that blood splattered all over it. maybe a good dose of black dye would save it . . . don't think she'd want to wear it, though. 'twould be a reminder of what she did to Ryouga. which could be a good thing, especially if she uses it to remember not to do it again. We finally reach the point of having the blood off all of the exposed parts, which took a bit longer than I would have thought, since all that is exposed is her hands and face. Ranma wets down my face a bit with the cloth, I start scrubbing at the bloody streak on the left side of her face, and all three of us are fairly clean a few moments later. I notice the diagonal red stain across my shirt, the red splotches on knees and socks, wonder how anyone could lose that much blood and live. hmm, Ranma's shirt isn't much better, but at least her pants are black, and won't show the stains too well. my, but I seem to be one of those scary people that I wouldn't hang out with. that we do. so, do we do something about it, or do we just continue on the way we are and do something about it later. would seem best to think about it before we get too deeply involved in this mess. true. dou shiou. *Um, Akane, please stand (masc. rough) My internal argument is disrupted by the arrival of Nabiki, Iva, and two others that I don't immeadiately place. ``Ukyou-san, Kodachi-san, konbanwa. Kyou no hen na koto kikimashita ka?'' Kasumi's calm voice greets them, Ukyou would be the slightly taller one in the okonomiyaki cook's uniform, which means the black haired young man in the Fuurinkan koukou uniform would be Kodachi. my but she's bishounen. She has her hair tied back, the dark uniform mildly tweeked so that it accentuates some of her curves, and hides others, faint makeup helping her to pass as male. A beautiful male, but male none the less. kyaa! _ecchi_thoughts_. why am I thinking ecchi thougts about him? he's a girl. oh, true. very true. *Ukyou, Kodachi, good evening. Have you heard about today's weird things? ``Konban wa, Kasumi-neechan.'' Kodachi stands on tiptoes for a moment, kisses Kasumi on the cheek. Kasumi smiles at her. Ukyou kisses her on the other cheek, to the big eyed stares of the three true fen in the room. actually, I hope I'm not a true fan. they deserve their bad rep. I have it on good athority, from someone who once was one. don't think Zou qualifies either. Paul's social skills and connections are too varied for it to fit him. narrator-san, please don't refer to us as true fen again. no responce. as usual. I look to Ranma and Akane for clues on how to react to this, they don't oblige. che. Kodachi walks over, kisses both of them, asks, ``Donata desu ka, kochira no kawaikochan?'' big clue. flaming big clue. things are weird. how weird? don't ask that question! you'll find out! *Good evening, Kasumi *Who is this cute girl? ``Ore tachi no atarashi iinazuke, Suika-chan. Kawaii ne, Ko-chan.'' Ranma replies calmly. not the expected reaction. her not running screaming when Kodachi kissed her is hardly the expected reaction either. unified front, people. hai hai. she wouldn't run screaming, she'd just run. that's hardly unified. so what. *Our new finacee, Suika, (She's) cute, isn't she, Ko-chan ``Sou yo! Ucchan, atash, ja nakute, ore tachi no atarashi iinazuke ga kawaii ne.'' Kodachi replies, turns to ask Ukyou, who is getting filled in on what happened today. whell, she hasn't been doing this for too long, I can tell. wait. `ore tachi no' desu tte? sou. oh my. *That's right. Ucchan, I(fem), no, our(masc.) new fiance is cute, isn't (she). With a quickness bespeaking of much knowledge of martial arts, she wraps one hand across my cheek and kisses me on the lips. I drop back, curling myself into a demi-fetal ball, being careful to avoid kicking anyone in the process. my braid drapes across the floor, dragging lightly as I pull my head up a bit, my left arm lightly catching the front of my shirt to keep it from falling over my face as I suddenly realize that I'm upside down, about 10cm off the floor, and holding myself off the ground single-handed with the ease of one who has been praticing contragravitational skills for a long time. fugging mess. I tilt my head back to stare at the floor as everyone else is silent. I finish the back flip as slowly as I can, dropping onto my feet a meter and a half or so from where I started. ``Fuck that's weird.'' I comment, my normal priority system deciding that things are intense enough that I can use that word out loud. ``Guess I should have read that bio readme file. Eris bless.'' I comment, invoking my favored deity, in the almost certainly vain hope that she will decide that this has been enough for me. ``Shitsurei shimasu!'' I call, dropping lightly off the floor. I bounce down the hallway, stot to a stop, drop to the floor and re-open Miyuki's screen. A few keystrokes later I start in on the first of the READMEs, reading a little faster than usual, something I only notice when I finish the first one, which had been long enough that a screenful was about 9%. round quickly, 92 10 * p, um, stupid, 920 lines. or so. ten minutes. gah. hmm, about twice as fast on the reading speed. :n The next file is shorter. My younger sib comes up behind me, and I motion for her to sit, briefly wish that I had another computer, realize that my as yet unnamed other computer is sitting in it's case over in the stack, speak. ``Um, you need to read these. Do you see the black cloth case over there?'' I point at the bag I had gotten it in, consider for a moment more, decide that yes, Misato was a good name for it, continue when she nods, ``Go get it, I would think that the efreet set it up with an account for you. Probably it's shared with Lisa right now. The password should be whatever it is at home.'' I don't know my mom's current password, as I don't need to ^_^ She pieces the rest together, goes and gets the bag, starts reading. ``Um, how do you go to the next file when you read a whole bunch of them into less at once?'' A question I had wondered at for a long time before I started playing with vi clones. ``Colon en.'' ``Thanks!'' She disappears back into the computer, figuratively, of course. I finish the lot of them off, contemplate just hanging upside down until I pass out or I understand what is going on, then decide that that neither of those would happen for, janakute, in a reasonable amount of time, then go to look for the others. ``Paul, you need to read the READMEs. Massive gratuituous changes have been made, and I don't think I can convey them appropriately. Miyuki'' he gives me a blank look, ``my laptop, is logged in to my account. I have all the READMEs called up in less, to go to the next one it is colon-en. OK?'' He nods, walks the short distance to where Miyuki sits, next to my sister. I turn to find my mother, my siblings having been dealt with. She's in the kitchen, talking to Iva, Nodoka, Nabiki and my iinazuke. All four of them. That feels really weird. From the sound of things they already know what happened, which is good. I'm a bit surprised at how violent my feelings are about this mess, seeing as how I'd have jumped for the chance if asked. Of course I wasn't asked, which is why I'm upset about this. oh well, even if I wasn't conciously consulted I still like it. just wish that efreet had let me say yes instead of just pulling the information from my mind. ``I like the way this has turned out. My english is finally good enough that I won't cringe over it. Crushing teacups in my bare hands is a bit of a pain, though.'' Nabiki continues, talking about what the efreet decided to have us all beta-test. ``At least I don't have to worry about slashing my hand open when I do it.'' She gives a slightly crooked grin, flexes her fingers, bending the spoon in her hand out of shape, then easily smoothing it flat again. I'd have had a hard time doing that with a hammer. I notice that Lisa is looking on with quite a lot of interest, as is Iva, but the Ranma looks to be missing most of it, with the other three getting only a little more of what is going on, although from the looks of things Nabiki's comments are something they've heard before. I think for a moment on the problems inherent in being able to crush rocks between one's fingers like peanut-butter M&Ms. and I'd worried about ripping clothing before. ``Will you be coming with us to the movie?'' Nodoka asks after a moment, Nabiki having fallen silent. ``Which movie?'' Lisa asks, brushing a stray hair back, then looking at it for a moment before moving it back into place. ``Pink Floyd The Wall, desu ne?'' Ukyou answers, and Nodoka nods. ``The film people at Nekomikyodai got their hands on a Japanese subtitled copy, so I want to see it again. Last time about all I understood was the lyrics to the songs, and that was because I'd looked most of them up.'' She grins wryly, leaving me with the feeling that she may well have taken up English for a reason that could be considered about as silly as I'm sure mine could be; I decided to learn Japanese so that I wouldn't have to listen to the Macross ][ dub. ``Sure.'' I pipe in. ``Does the invitation extend to all of us?'' Zou-chan asks from the doorway. Her diction feels a little odd, though. ``Hai.'' Ukyou answers, apparently her comprehension is better than her speaking, or at least she feels that way. ``Sou omotte imasu.'' *Yes, (I) think so ``Ukyou-chan is right, you're all invited. Suika-san, do you know where the blonde-haired boy, Del? went?'' Nodoka continues. I shake my head, look at the others who also look a little worried. ``No, I don't. He should be OK, though.'' It's not like he has anybody out for his blood, and he should know better than to be rude to people. ``When is the movie, and will we have time to move any more stuff?'' ``It's at seven this evening. I think we have time for another load, more if some of you can drive.'' ``Paul, Del, and Iva can, although some people would consider their driving a bit scary. It would probably speed things up a bit if some more of us came along to help unload, too.'' I look at the others, and Zou-chan nods, sparking Lisa and Iva to nod as well. After a little while we have the Toyota and the VW loaded, and a quick argument over who is the scarier driver ends with a rather lengthy janken to decide who gets to drive the VW. Iva wins and the rest of us pile into the car, Zou-chan riding shotgun, with me and my four inazuke in the back seat. Paul gets stuck riding in the mostly-full back seat of the Toyota. Not too much later we arrive at Nodoka's house, and we all get to unload the cars _yay_. After we finish, which doesn't take too terribly long, everyone is told to dig up a set of decent clothing, and I wait with Ranma, Akane, Zou-chan, Paul, Ukyou, and Ko-chan while the others find clothing and change, then we convoy back to the Tendou house. Kasumi greets us as we all pile out, and Nodoka translates, ``Del showed up while you were out. Apparently Mousse had showed up and been impressed with his skill in Chinese, and brought him back to Obaba so that she could find out what was going on. They brought him back while you were gone, and it seems the lot of them would like to go to the movie as well. Obaba is willing to pay for the three of them, so all we have to do is decide how we want to get there.'' ``Hun, hashite wa dame n de, kuruma de wa dou?'' Ranma speaks up, looking at Nodoka first, then Lisa. Lisa nods OK, then shakes her head as if wondering how she managed to understand the question. ``Naze `hashite wa dame' desu tte?'' Zou-chan asks, looking at Ranma. Nodoka answers, ``I'm not a martial artist, and I'm rather definately not dressed for a run across the roofs of Tokyo.'' She looks at Lisa as well, who is also in a skirt. I pause to try and figure out how we are going to pack 6, plus 4, plus Nodoka, plus Kasumi, Nabiki, Genma and Soun, fifteen people, into two cars. we could probably fit me, my inazuke, Zou-chan, Paul, oh, wait, another three, eighteen people, ick, or, oh, wait, who's driving. ``Who's going to be driving the VW?'' Everyone looks at Iva, so she nods, accepting the nomination. oK, that's seven so far in the back of the Toyota, we can probably fit Del and perhaps Nabiki in before it gets too crowded. Not that the back of the Toyota is big, but several of us are fairly small and five of us are in a situation that we can take being squashed in pretty easily. oK, that leaves nine people who need seats, and eight seats. looks like Genma gets to ride in the trunk of the VW. ranma would like that. I get to go looking for a less bloody set of clothing, find where my clothes are and cart the box inside and up to the room I'm apparently going to share. I set my garment bag aside and pulling out a teal t-shirt and my, thoughtfully patched and washed, other pair of grey jeans, but Ranma lets me no in certain terms that that won't do, so I end up digging out my set of `good clothes' that my employer had gotten me. That hit me again, and I was a little bit surprised to find tears running down my face. I wipe them on my shirt, wave my hand at the blue jacket, kahki trousers, and white shirt for approval before I start to put them on, my back to the other four, two of whom are already dressed. I strip my jeans off, my yellow shirt long enough to cover everything that I want covered, and pull up the soft kahki pants before stripping off my shirt, noticing again that I, luckly, do not take after my aunt in terms of breast develpment. not that I'd complain too much, I think. I put on my shirt and have it half-buttoned before Ranma leads the parade around to in front of me, and smiles as I turn around again, buttoning another button. She's wearing a nice sleeveless black shirt and a black skirt, and looks very nice. I notice as I turn around that Akane is the only one who didn't join the parade, since she is still getting dressed as well, although she is playing with her gloves. I finally finish the last few buttons, tie my tie, I decided to wear my boots instead of my, single, pair of loafers. That results in me sitting on the floor for a moment while I hook the fifteen-hole boots up, then tie them. `Dou?' Several nods reply, and we troop out of the house. --- Log: Started sometime early in 1997. Lost in the great hard-drive crash of early 1998. Recovered from a rediscovered mail-folder in middle 1998. Fixed 1999 July 15. I got some good responces from the people that I'd dragged into it, but not the enthusiasm that I'd hoped for. I really have very little idea where I could take this, so it's probably going to stay as just this little bit. Ah well, Suika